Single Red Male (Bike) Looking for a Loving Home

Single Red Male Bike in search of any and all attention someone might yet have to spare for a broken-down piece of shit. Alternatively, an excellent fixer-upper for the open-minded bicycle enthusiast!

Back tire's flat--slashed by some hoodlums at the North Lincoln Community Center. Sprocket's jacked, and so functional only through 6 of the 18 gears. And the breaks squeal like nobody's business--which may or may not piss off pedestrians as you approach them and the crosswalk.

History: an excellent bike for getting around town and commuting to work. It has been snowed upon and rained upon, and ultimately sat upon for months on end, always transporting its owner to exactly the places he wished to go--and this despite the owner's negligence to put air in the tires or even raise the mother fuckin seat above a height fit only for a child.

Memorable feats: once launched owner off and onto a concrete sidewalk after an unsuccessful attempt to hop a curb. Also, became successfully wedged--on 2 separate occasions--in the backseat of a '98 Dodge Neon.

Preferences: Looking mostly for a nice warm place to retire--Florida, say, would be ideal-- especially after two harsh winters in Denver spent in dark, cold basements. Also, no more jacknuts for owners. This bike has paid its dues and is ready for the good life.